The Thousand Doors

The Thousand Doors

There was a moment when I felt like belong to anywhere. I just woke up in a room with thousand minds looking for a right way. I felt so lost and had no control to choose about so many doors in front of me. It could be thousand doors or more. Apparently, there are windows on each side of those doors with a peek of a place inside. Randomly, I look up into a few window. I could see a beach, a city, a library, and a peak of mountain. I just couldn’t stand here and do nothing. So, I decided to open one of those door.
I choose the beach one. The moment before I open that door, my mind is running to magic wardrobe in a novel titled The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S Lewis. Keeping me guessing this door can lead me to a place like I see through the window. Like I guess, I am totally right. Once I open that door, I enter to a place which was look like a beach. I can hear the ocean waving. I feel so blue when I look up to the sky. The horizon slice the sky and the ocean making a straight line. It makes me feel free at the same time. I enjoy the time when no one around. Making many perception about what will happen if I stay here for a long time. But by the time goes by, I look around and still find nobody. I feel so alone. Then I realize that I am not belong here for like ever. So I decide to come into the out now. Open the other door and find a better one.
I think that a city can be a better place. I can meet a bunch of people and I will not feel alone anymore. This city is so big. Buildings are everywhere. The street is so crowded with peoples and vehicles. What I see on my walk are bodies rushing and bolting with sullen and happy faces. I bet they have different destination. Probably they have people to meet or deadlines and project to finish. Then I ask myself about my own two feet. What exactly my destination is. I don’t know this city can hold me longer than the beach. But I have to give a shot. I met a few people with different character and personality. This city and the people I met taught me how to blend with society and with our capability. Basically, we need money to eat, to have homestay, to buy clothes, and almost to do or have anything. So, I enhance my capability in making money to survive. While I do that, I cannot stand alone. So, I play along with people around me. But, it doesn’t feel like I expected. We can get money so easily, but sometimes we don’t. There are so much reason why that could happen. It could be based on luck, hard work, or just because each of us are different in mind. Everyone has their own beliefs. I have my beliefs and I will stand for what I believe, even if that means standing alone. But my idealism sometimes doesn’t work. Then, when I feel bored, I think it’s time to get out from this city.

Next place is a forest. I can feel the tremendous adventure will come. The green of nature and the whistle of bird is making me more alive. For a few moment I just walk into the forest even I don’t know what’s in there. Actually, I pretend to know nothing about forest. The fact is I am afraid of every danger may have happened.  But, this is what adventure look like. Just go and face whatever happen next. For the second time I feel alone again. Every time when a cold wind is blowing and making the trees rustle like living things or something catches my eyes and attract my attention, I can feel my heart is beating so fast and my hand is sweating. I am scared to death. I start to think that what if I became someone I knew from the city before. Someone who brave enough to face whatever may happen in the forest. Maybe I can survive here. So, I have to be brave like them and ignore my fear to survive till I find the exit door. Now I am struggling to live without money and became someone else even I don’t like them before.
After I succeed to find the exit door, I enter to a place look like a library. I always love books. I read a lot of books here. Every time I learn something from the book, it feels like I know nothing. My knowledge is so small. And when I read more and more, I just keep asking myself about the truth. Should I just believe in the text? I think I need to prove. I need to see everything with my own eyes, so I can’t stay in the library forever.
Then, I enter to a place look like a peak of mountain. I can see the city, the forest, and the ocean from up here. This is remind me about what Samantha said in the Stuck in Love movie, “There’s 400 billion stars in the Milky Way alone, making the amount of stars in the entire universe completely mindboggling. We are nothing. “

It keeps me thinking how small I am and the world is so big. I am sure that so much places I can visit. Something bad or good may have happen in every place. But the thing is, I need to find out what’s in there. I know every place has an exit door to escape. All I need is to look around and survive till I find that door. And if it’s necessary I have to be someone else first before I become myself. So I go back to enter the other door to visit another place. But suddenly, I wake up in a place look like a cafe. I am sitting close to the window, listening to Yellow Submarine by The Beatles, and watching the crowded street. I just realize for a few second that I just wake up from daydreaming in a place called reality.

                                                                                                                      Iis Maryasih.


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